My Opinion about your Life

Assumptions:

I am a human.

I know myself, by myself I mean the "real" me

I have all my five senses in working positions and I am not numb.

Talking about others is always as easy as to open a tap and I considered opening a tap as an easy task because you don’t have to apply the force you don’t even have to use your arm it just needs a twist of your wrist and to know yourself “THE” real you, is like to discover the new horizons or you can say it’s like balancing an egg on a marble floor. Alas! I wish; you can understand what I mean but you don’t and neither do I wish now…

From the grade 1, I have been writing essays almost in every grade on ‘MY SELF’. But now I can just laugh on my essays, my statements, my immature writings, my childish thoughts, my improper way of expressing and totally random movements of my pen. But now when I was asked to write about my self I find myself at a fix, at a place where there is no way out… A street, infect a dark street with an opening, it seems that the open side is just a step away and when I take that step, the distance, instead of decreasing; it increases. And behind me; I find the world full of people… they are people, not human… you know the difference between people and humans? If not then I am not interested to tell you that because you belongs to people and is not a human.

Coming back to the topic, in that street behind me I find all my family members and friends everyone to whom I ever attach with, but they are not allowing me to get to that light at the end of the street, they are not helping me out.

When I think about myself and my life I find myself in that street with no light in it but the ending… gradually I leave myself numb and stationary like a rock... cant feel and unmovable without outer help.

But the time never stops for anyone… it didn’t stop for prophets; I am nothing but an ordinary one so why would it wait for me…

And that street is like a green mile to me… at times it takes a second to pass and sometimes green mile just takes so long…

Now when I am big… by big I mean, I am not a teenager anymore… I can take my decisions, I can do whatever I want, I can wear whatever I want… I can eat whatever I want… I can go out with anyone I want… I mean I can do anything I want… but there’s a problem I often face, that these things are not in my control. I have said a lot of whatever lately but my life is not in my control, I have no decision powers. Someone is taking decisions at my behalf; good or bad just don’t talk about them right now… some things are better to be left unsaid…

I see a face in that light, not recognizing it; but a feeling of a face, of my very own… people behind me are asking me to not go there but I want to go there and to find the truth by myself but I am confuse I trust the both ends… I don’t know what should I do and where should I go? On whom should I trust and on whom I shouldn’t…

I have 3 siblings. Everyone loves me and I love them too… I wasn’t very special but I always tried to make people happy… people ask me to leave the fantasies I am living in... But I don’t want to leave my world. I want to make my own world… I am ready to do anything for them but I just want to keep my world as I like…

I am not a pessimist but that’s the feeling I have received yet. I also want to be an optimist if the world and the humans in it will allow me to be one.

I am not talking Persian, but I still wonder why people don’t understand me. I try to be as simple as I can be but the people say I am psychic. I know I am not the best but I am not asking world to give me the best but at least try to give me what I deserve good or bad... Just give it to me… just give me my world back…